I think I’ve been in denial for a few weeks in regards to returning to work. I’ve been by the office a few times, but today it really hit me.
I have to go back.
The anxiety didn’t really set in until I was looking at my new office. Yep. My office is being moved to a different department, and I’m not even there to oversee things. In fact, I had to mention to my boss that the refrigerator that was in my old office had disappeared, and I was relying on that when I returned. (I really don’t want to go through the work of producing all of Lucas’ meals and not having a place close by to store everything.) I’m not good with change, and I’ve been in my office for 2.5 years. I liked it there. I’m not happy with the move.
We’re very close to having child care set up (fingers crossed that our neighbor who has a daycare in her home will work out.) It only took me how long to secure child care? And this lady just became an option for us recently. It makes me sad to think I have to leave my child with someone who isn’t a family member, but I think this lady may be the best fit for us.
I’m working on making sure Lucas has enough food so we don’t have to supplement with formula, which is a lot of freaking work. And a lot of pressure.
I want to be sure that I still have time to take care of myself, while still spending time with my husband and child. I’m just not sure how it will all balance out once I return to work. And that bothers me.
So, for now, I’m just anxious. Hoping it’ll pass soon.