Going hands free
“Put your phone in your pocket, mommy. Put your phone in your pocket.”
Those were the exact words my son said to me this weekend when I had pulled my phone out to take a photo of him. He thought I was getting sucked into one of the many apps on my phone, but really I was trying to document his super cute baseball stance.
I put my phone back in my pocket, though, and forgot about getting the photo for Instagram – because if it isn’t on Instagram, does it really happen?
Turns out, life happens with or without documentation on social media.
Last summer I had a moment. In that moment, I ordered the book “Hands Free Mama” and I started reading the night it arrived at my house. I could empathize with the author from the first page. I got through the first chapter that night, and contemplated reading more, but it was late.
I made a goal to read a chapter a night until I could finish the book. (I’m not always the greatest book-reader, so giving myself this kind of goal was feasible.) We went on vacation and I was able to get in a few chapters each day and before I knew it, I had finished the book and started making changes.
July found me making changes in my technology habits. When the school year started again, and then big events with my job happened, I fell back into old habits. I haven’t liked the old habits, and I’ve been trying to work on them.
A couple weeks ago, my son was fighting me at naptime. He looked at me and said, “mommy and daddy don’t like to look at me. Gamma wants to look at me!” I understand that his comments were coming from a place of sleepiness, but they stuck with me.
We all had been distracted. I had been baking for work parties. My husband was reading something to review (kind of work-related) and Lucas was playing games on the iPad. We were all immersed in our own projects/work and not looking at one another.
And this isn’t the first time that had happened. We’re all often distracted. Stuck in technology. I knew that we had to step back, put our phones (and the iPad) away and look at each other.
After nap time, we took a car ride together, checked on our friends cats, and eventually went out to dinner. Lucas played “drums” with the forks on the table at dinner. And he was well-behaved almost the entire time we were at the restaurant. The difference? Our phones weren’t on the table or in our hands.
I’m taking small steps to hopefully reclaim our time with each other.
Last week, I decided to try and start again on our technology-free habits. We were coming off of winter break and had a couple of really tough days. Something had to give. On Monday, I worked out early in the morning (5:15) so I could come home, cook dinner and engage with Lucas. The phone was away, the tv wasn’t turned on, and he never asked for the iPad. At one point, while I was cooking, he said, “I’m going to play with Play-Doh!” and I didn’t even tell him, “let’s do that later.” I just agreed, and helped him pull the Play-Doh out while I was working on dinner.
(See that photo above? Totally cheesing for the camera. Totally has spaghetti face after dinner. And those Play-Doh colors are not the same a week later. But I totally don’t care. That was a really fun night.)
There was one evening I slipped and found myself with phone in hand. All of the other evenings were much better. I enjoyed being with my kid and we didn’t fight at bedtime. (Oh, bedtime can be a struggle.)
A few tips that I came up with for our technology-less lives (not totally free, just less.)
1. Put the phone away. This is easier said than done. I’ve mentioned it before on the blog. I’m always “on.” It was harder in my previous life to shut down. (I literally had to have a furlough to stop checking work emails.) My toddler doesn’t like me talking on the phone, which I don’t do often, and he misbehaves more if I’m checking email/social media/texting. So the phone has to be put away.
2. The iPad is only out for limited times. We got into a habit of Lucas finding the iPad charging, and he’d run off to play his games. We used to only let him have it for 30 minutes once or twice a week. The iPad now lives out of sight when it isn’t charging overnight. (And then I have to remember to hide it.) We try not to let him play it on weekdays, and it becomes more of a treat versus an expectation on the weekends.
3. Put the laptop away. My laptop will be out of sight until after bedtime. I’m hoping to get into a habit of blogging/doing freelance work during weekend nap times, or after Lucas goes to bed. I don’t normally blog while he’s awake, but it’s easy to get on the laptop and check Facebook, which leads to Twitter, which leads to my email….you get the picture. I’m also trying to find a space in the house where I can do all of my work, that isn’t the dining room table. More on this at a later date…there’s some cleaning going on.
4. Set a timer. If Lucas is playing a game on my phone or the iPad, we set a timer. He knows the timer is set, and then the tech piece goes back into hiding.
5. Encourage more hands-on activities such as art projects or games. The Play-Doh has been a huge hit. I have other art projects saved for rainy days, and I’m thinking of pulling them out for him now. Why wait for rainy days? We’ve also discovered several really fun books during this test. We read every night, but now we have more time to explore longer books.
I don’t think I’m “cured” from my addiction to electronics. I love connecting. However, I love connecting with my family and I’m a work in progress.
Have you read Hands Free Mama? Do you struggle with too much technology?
**Any links in this post may be affiliate links. I was not asked to review this book and I have no relationship with the author other than the fact that I, too, had a difficult time letting go of technology. All opinions are obviously my own.
Not only am I completely addicted to my phone, but my kids are addicted to their electronics, too. We can put them down when we need to, though.
I feel ya! I don’t have a munchkin to worry about but I feel like I am addicted to checking my phone and social media. I have been really making an effort to stop looking at the phone/ any screen after 8 at night. It’s tough when you are running a blog by yourself though!
These are all such wonderful tips to stay engaged and go hands free so to speak. I feel like the could also apply to people of all ages sometimes.
Hands free is something I think we are going to try this coming weekend. I told the boys we ALL needed to turn off the electronics.
I haven’t read that yet, but you’re reminding me I want to. I”m adding it to the top of my list! I’ve been thinking a lot about these things. Great tips!
These are really great tips. I recently went on a cruise and it was so nice to unplug from everything. I need to do that more at home.
This is something I really struggle with. And I read these types of blogs and think I should do better, yet here I am typing on my computer while my son watches Minecraft videos and my daughter watches Jessie on Netflix. Ugh. I need to make a change. I’m going to try. Thanks for the inspiration!
This is such a great post. It’s difficult for me to walk away from my electronics, especially since they’re so important to my job. I try to do it at least a few times a day, though.
This is a great post. Really good. My kids are out of control on this topic, and I’ve got to get to root of it soon….
Leigh
Setting a timer is a great idea. That way you know exactly how long they have been using the tech and you won’t forget to hide it again.
I catch myself being a little too consumed with technology when the kids are around also. It’s hard when you work can be done anywhere to not try to sneak in a couple minutes mid-play session.
I think I use my devices more than my kids do. I think I just need to have some more activities in and around the house that I enjoy.
I find it’s a lot easier to go hands free when we aren’t at home going about our same routine. It’s when we’re at home doing the same things stuck in our routine that it’s hard not to pull out the computer or turn the TV on. We’ve been doing a family movie night once a week which my kiddo has been greatly enjoying though.
I think when I am away from my laptop, I don’t really get on my phone unless I am relaxing in bed and it is bedtime or naptime for baby. I never have my phone out at the doctors office, grocery store and certainly not out when we are eating. Great tips!
I think every stay-at-home blogger struggles with a hands-free balance. I’m definitely trying to be off more this year
My kids are older so they don’t care if I am on my phone. Lol. In fact, they are always on theirs and don’t give me the time of day anymore
This is a fantastic post. We can all use some time away from our devices and be in the moment.
This is really something I have to work on myself. Working from home makes it difficult and I’m striving to have daytime work hours and after bedtime for a little bit to finish up what I didn’t earlier in the day. While the kids and husband are home, I feel like I need to just shut it all down. It’s difficult to do though.
I try to limit my technology use to when my kids are at school or in bed. I don’t want them to see my eyes away from them. I want them to feel that what they are saying and doing always deserves my undivided attention.
Those are some great tips. I find myself looking at my phone more than I should at times. I usually end up sitting on top of it so I remember to just leave it alone!
I wish I could get my husband to not watch tv when eating dinner with the kids. When I am home we eat dinner at the table.
These are smart ideas. Perfect way to reclaim some time.
I’m working on this one too…deadlines for school thwart me sometimes, but I really am working on it. I don’t have a smart phone, so I’m good there.
I love this! I try to be as hands free as I can on weekends when my kids are home. Night times is when I can get my commenting and social media comitments done so I don’t really have that option. But when it’s important and necessary the phone goes away.
There are times when I hate electronics. I am only on my phone when I need to be and I snap a photo here and there for social media / blog purposes. I do take quite a few fun pictures that are just for us. My husband is terrible. Hes on his iPhone or iPad from the minute he wakes until he decides to go to bed. Kiddo and I have to fight with him sometimes to step away and hang out with us. It makes me crazy.
But, at the same time, everyone is entitled to their ‘me’ time and have the right to use it as they see fit. It just should be communicated and agreed upon when that time is.
When kiddo wants her space, we give it to her. When she wants to hang out with us, we do. Sometimes we just hang out in our own little worlds, relaxing, together.
I don’t feel like we have to be on top of each other 24/7.
I myself am guilty of always be attached to the iPad. I need to set timers for checking emails and such.
I think hands-on projects are a great idea. Even for myself… like crocheting or scrapbooking. It’s a great way to unplug while still doing something fun!
It can be hard with so many handy devices to put them down and really be in the moment. We are to busy trying to document everything we forget to stop and enjoy it.
I want to get a camera. I feel like that would help me keep my phone away. I take it out to get pics and then I check other things.
We really need to go back to this. When our first son was a baby, we used to make it a priority after work to put our phones down and engage with him, and since our move and second son, we haven’t done that. Time for a resurge!
I am so guilty of this sometimes. Okay, all the time. My son is 4 so he doesn’t notice as much, but my husband is always telling me to get off the phone.
I had to set time limits on my electronics. I would get caught up in blogging and be on the computer all day!
Wonderful tips, my hubby and I are planning a trip and we are going to be unplugged the whole trip. Really looking forward to this.